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The Runestone

(1990)

Some people find an ancient Viking stone with all these runes on it. Is it just me, or did they sneak the word "fuck" on there:

Down in front!

Anyway, this one guy starts to study it, but an old dude warns him that the stone will try to use "what you want most" against him. I guess what he wants most is to turn into a werewolf, chase his ex-girlfriend all over town, and kill everyone he meets along the way, because that's exactly what happens. Eventually a bunch of people decide to get to the bottom of it: there's a cop,* a kid, a couple of old guys, a Swede... In fact there were so many goofballs in on this that frankly I lost track of who they all were. You'd figure the monster would be sure to thin out their ranks by decapitating a few or something, but most of them actually make it all the way to the end, which is pretty weak if you ask me. At any rate, they finally figure out that the werewolf has something to do with "Ragnarok", which if you ever read Thor comic books you know is the end of the world. Of course in the comic books Ragnarok happened like every six or seven issues, so after a while it turned into kind of a joke, and it's pretty much a joke here too- I mean, it's one werewolf chasing his ex around. Why do movies always make the end of the world so trite? On the plus side, the werewolf kills a lot of people. The part where he busts up this hotel is probably the best: he wastes a shitload of cops while they pump tons of rounds into him until he finally gives up and jumps out a window. There's a huge fight at the end that makes almost no sense whatsoever (Why, exactly, do they go to another planet?) but with a body count like this I'll give 'em a break. It really could've used some hot chicks though- the only one running around was pretty mediocre, and she never even takes her clothes off.

*We know we're supposed to like him, because he's addicted to Pez and has Godzilla toys on his desk. He's quirky.