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Samson

(1961)

Muscle-bound homo Samson is hunting boars when he bumps into another musclehead who starts giving him lip. They decide to fight, and for the next few minutes we're basically watching pro wrestling, except even gayer which frankly I didn't think was possible. Before they reach the point where they collapse exhausted into each other's beefy arms and make sweet, sweet ass love though these soldiers show up and Samson and his two friends (I swear one of them is Norberg from Police Squad!) get arrested. The soldiers try to put them in jail, but Samson keeps tearing the cell door off and beating people with it (seriously, this happens at least twice). Samson pulls plenty of other tough-guy shit too, like lifting a gigantic manhole cover, ripping a stump in half with his bare hands, and pulling a whole goddamn building down on some jokers, but he never takes the logical step and just starts tearing people's arms and heads off, which frankly would've made this movie a lot cooler. The thing that really irritated me though was the end- could someone please tell me what, exactly, was supposed to be going on after the main bad guy fell in the water? I think a fish ate him, but I rewound it a couple of times and I'll be damned if I can tell for sure. I can understand if a giant fish puppet was out of their price range, but couldn't they at least have had the guy yell "Oh shit! A giant fish! Help! Oh fuck!" or something? Just so we know what's going on? Really, how hard is that?