Video Picks for Perverts
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(2007)
These people are digging around in the desert when this awesome monster that looks like a mummy with a dog's skull for a head shows up and rips the arm right off the BreathAsure guy. At this point it looks like this movie might actually rock, but we hardly even see the monster after that! Instead, they give us a ridiculous dune buggy chase (what is this, the 1970s?), a cop with the worst haircut ever* who shows up and chases everybody around for absolutely no reason, and tons of crappy cartoon bugs, snakes, and paintings attacking people. The worst is when they use cartoon effects to show sand pouring out of a body bag. Are you telling me that they couldn't find any real sand to use for that part? They're in the fucking desert! Jesus fucking Christ. Why didn't they just have the cool-as-hell monster roll around and kill everybody? That would've been a pretty good movie. Instead, the best part ends up being the hooker from Firefly in tight shorts. *Seriously, I've never seen hair this bad- it's like some sort of weird Elvis/flat top combo. Imagine if somebody tried to decapitate the lead singer of the Romantics with hedge clippers but he ducked just in time and you'll kind of get the idea.
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YOU don't have to PUT UP with the HIP.
