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Scarecrow

(2003)

What I want to know is, what do the people who make horror movies these days have against tits? Seriously, there's a shitload of hotties in this movie, and not a nipple to be seen! In the old days, horror movies showed tits in the shower, and tits during sex, and sometimes tits for no reason at all, but rent one made after 1990 and it's like it's illegal or something. If you people making these movies are trying to be all "politically correct" and shit because you think it'll get you more pussy, just grow a pair already. It's fucking bullshit and totally gay.

Okay, so in this tit-free piece of crap, there's this loser dude who gets picked on all the time at school. I guess you have to feel sort of bad for this guy; he's obviously like 35, so that means he's been getting picked on by the cool kids for 21 years. That's gotta suck. Anyway, this insanely hot chick with short hair sticks up for him and he gets this big crush on her, but later at this party she kisses some asshole (typical). The loser's so distraught and shit that he gets in his mom's boyfriend's face, but this dude is like the king of violent white trash and chokes him to death.

That isn't the end of the loser, though, because his ghost goes into this scarecrow. Now, up to this point this movie was sort of weak, but there were a few hot girls and it wasn't completely gay. When the scarecrow turns up, though, it crosses the line. Instead of being all scary and shit, the scarecrow jumps around like a ninja and makes dumb jokes and kills people in broad daylight. Even though a hundred people see it, no one can figure it out so in the end the hot girl has to burn the scarecrow up. It's a pretty worthless movie, but then these guys made another scarecrow movie that was even worse.