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Scooby-Doo! Pirates Ahoy!

(2006)

The Scooby-Doo dipshits take a "mystery cruise", which is great for whoever writes this crap because I'm pretty sure they're obligated to use the words "mystery" and "clue" at least a hundred times per adventure and talking about the cruise probably really helped them meet their quota. Anyway, before long some pirate ghosts attack and try to kidnap everybody, which isn't exactly surprising since Scooby-Doo can't get within fifteen feet of his goddamned water bowl without pirate ghosts showing up. The ghosts in Scooby-Doo are always fake,* so this time it turns out that the captain of the pirate ghosts is really just this guy who's looking for a meteor that crashed in the Bermuda Triangle. See, he can't do it by himself, so he's hypnotizing regular people into thinking that they're pirate ghosts, and that they need to find the meteor because it can send them all back in time to pirate days. Jesus fucking Christ- I know Scooby-Doo villains like to do things the hard way, but that's just ridiculously complicated. How do they even keep their story straight?

Victim: "Oh my God! Why are you doing this???"
Pirate Ghost: "Ar! Let me check my notes..."

This is pretty much just like any other Scooby-Doo movie, so the only really important thing is how many sexy scenes of Daphne are in it: this one has Daphne in a bikini top, Daphne dressed as a cat for a costume party, Daphne in bondage, and Daphne putting on toenail polish, which for some reason is unbelievably fucking hot, and I don't even have a foot fetish. At least I didn't before now. God damn, Daphne's fucking fine.

Rating: Four Daphnes.

*Except sometimes, like the series where they were friends with that little chink kid. And I wish they wouldn't do that, because it really muddles the waters.

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