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The Severed Arm

(1973)

These dipshits cause a cave-in and get trapped underground for like a month. They decide the only way they're going to survive is to eat one dude's arm, and even though he isn't too keen on that plan they hold him down and cut it off anyway. Here's the hilarious part though: like two minutes later they get rescued! It's one of those things that you look back on years later and laugh and laugh. Unless you're the one whose arm got cut off, I guess. Anyway, the other dipshits come up with some ridiculous story, everyone buys it, they haul ol' one-arm off in an ambulance,* and that seems to be the end of that. It looks like they got away with it, until five years later when someone starts harassing them: one guy gets an arm in the mail, one actually gets his arm cut off, and another one who's a D.J. now gets a crank call where someone requests "I'll Be Seeing You" (he should've requested "Timothy") before he gets it too. One of the guys who's left decides to get himself a gun, but he doesn't even bother to pull it out when the killer attacks him in an elevator- he just stands there and lets the guy chop him up. You know you actually have to pull the trigger, right? The gun doesn't just jump into the air and shoot people by itself. Dumbass. This whole movie was pretty boring and pointless- there wasn't very much blood for a flick about people getting their arms cut off, plus almost everyone in it was a dude so there weren't any tits either. And what's with the dog at the end? The killer is chasing the last guy down the beach and suddenly this huge dog just runs right through the middle of everything. What the hell? You'd think they'd chase the dog away and film that part again, but I'm glad they didn't because that ended up being my favorite part of the movie.

*Even though they all almost died, the guy with the missing arm is the only one who gets an ambulance. I hope they at least gave everybody else a sandwich or something.