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Shark Attack 3: Megalodon

(2002)

The first two Shark Attack movies were pretty lame, but this one finally kicks a little ass. It starts when this shark turns up and starts eating people (in one part, two people slide down a waterslide and the shark's waiting at the bottom- ha!). This one lifeguard dude or whatever the hell he's supposed to be teams up with the super-hot blonde from Shark Attack 1 (she says she works for a museum or something this time, but her business cards are cut out of construction paper so I think she just made that up) and they go after the shark and waste it by beating it over the head with a baseball bat then shooting it in the mouth with a shotgun. It seems like it's just about Miller time until an even bigger shark appears and swallows this whole fucking boat. The dude and the chick go to this old Navy guy for help (you can tell he was in the Navy because he has this huge Navy plaque, an American flag, and giant pictures of George W. and Dick Cheney on his wall) and it just so happens he has a torpedo he stole from work so they make plans to go blow the new shark to pieces in the morning. Before they go on this dangerous mission that could be their last blah blah blah the lifeguard dude decides he better sample the goods so he tells the chick "Whaddya say I take you home and eat your pussy?" This line actually works (awesome), so he cranks her down and we get to see her tits (which are nice). The next day the shark attacks this ship and starts eating everybody, but then the good guys show up, blast its ass, and everybody who didn't get recycled into shark poop gets to live happily ever after, especially that lifeguard dude 'cause you know he's gonna tag that hot piece at least a couple more times before he sends her packing.