Video Picks for Perverts
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THE WORLD OF MR. SATANISM VS.
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(1984)
A little white girl gets left in Africa after her idiot parents kill themselves in a cave-in (when the native dudes tell you not to yell in the caves, don't yell in the caves, fuckwits), and she grows up into Sheena, queen of the jungle*, even though in real life she probably would have just been eaten by a snake. So like years later the king of this backass country gets wasted by his evil brother, but a reporter and his sidekick filmed it by accident and once they figure it out they hook up with Sheena and she helps them get away. The sidekick decides to try to sneak out of the country with the tape and show it to the authorities or whatever. The reporter decides to follow Sheena into the jungle and try to get a piece of ass. I guess Woodward and Bernstein don't have to be looking over their shoulders worrying about this cat. The king's evil brother is in charge now, so he rounds up all the firepower at his country's disposal: two or three trucks, an armored car, one helicopter, and about twenty white guys. Ah ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! Nice empire, loser. You should have just knocked over a Denny's or something. The evil brother chases Sheena and the reporter all over the place and when he finally catches them the reporter says he won't help get the tape back if they hurt Sheena. The brother figures it out pretty quick and goes "I think he scored." Ha! The evil brother's ho decides to throw Sheena out of a helicopter, but Sheena summons a bunch of pink flamingos and they attack the helicopter and save her. The evil black chick ends up falling out instead, and she's so fucking scared on the way down that she turns white. And blonde. Sheena rounds up a bunch of natives and animals and they all attack the bad guys, so we get elephants knocking over trucks and monkeys throwing grenades (but not poop, which would have been a lot funnier) and shit exploding and everything. In the end the main bad guy tries to run Sheena over with a jeep so the hero stops him by smashing into it with another jeep. Too bad it blows up and he catches on fire. He thinks he's gonna die, so these are his last words: "I've had it baby, and all I can think of to say is... shit." What a jackass. Unfortunately it turns out he's okay, and he cranks Sheena down again & then heads for home**. I think the perv taped it, too. Obviously the only reason to watch a dumb movie like this is to see Sheena naked, so it's a good thing they deliver: we get to see her ass and her rack a couple of times, and it's definitely worth it. Especially if you fast-forward through all the other shit. * Am I wrong to expect the queen of the jungle to be, I dunno, maybe a black chick once in a while? I guess it's just me. ** She'll never see him again.
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YOU don't have to PUT UP with the HIP.
