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She Woke Up Pregnant

(1996)

Some chick finds out that she's pregnant, but her husband had his boys cut off at the pass a long time ago, she's not screwing anybody else, and there haven't been any UFO sightings in her area, so she doesn't know what the fuck is going on. Finally she figures it out though: while she's all gassed up and shit, her dentist has been filling her cavities. Now the movie should really end right there, since once a chick says somebody raped her they're automatically guilty (just ask the Duke lacrosse team), but the dentist manages to do the Lifetime Shuffle and convince everyone that he's totally innocent. The broad doesn't want to get another abortion either ("...sometimes I would hear the sound of a vacuum cleaner and I would start to cry..." Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! Fuck you, it's funny.), so now everybody really believes the dentist. Finally they decide to find a cute chick cop* and pull this completely ridiculous sting. The dentist ends up falling for it and molesting the cop on camera, so even Wonder Woman (his lawyer- and still lookin' pretty good at 80 or whatever) can't save his ass now and it's off to the slammer for him. It's pretty much your typical Lifetime movie- everyone acts like a complete idiot, there's no tits, and even when something interesting is going on (like dental rape) they don't show anything. Remember my "Lifetime for Men" idea? This movie really could've benefited from it.

*"Attractive police women- that's a mighty tall order..." says the main detective. What an ass.