Video Picks for Perverts
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THE WORLD OF MR. SATANISM VS.
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(1999)
This stupid goddamned movie is about rattlesnakes (and rattlesnakes are called that because they make this rattle noise, which means they aren't silent, morons). The original rattlesnake is in this big box tied to the back of a truck (duh), so when the truck crashes it escapes and 20 years later there's like a million of them, even though for that whole 20 years nobody saw a single one 'til this movie starts. Of course the rattlesnakes start killing people, so the fire chief has to try to stop them because that's his fuckin' job. Actually, no it isn't, but whatever. The only good parts are when this dog grabs a snake and shakes the shit out of it, and when the snakes attack a baseball game (it's about time something exciting happened at a baseball game) and this guy sticks his hand under the bleachers and gets bit, so the dipshit sticks his head down there next and the snake bites him again on the neck. Rattlesnake movies are always fucking weak because rattlesnakes kill you with poison; they don't tear you to pieces or anything cool. This one is especially bad because there aren't even any cute chicks to distract you from the fact that it sucks. If you're a director or whatever and you want to make a rattlesnake movie, do us all a favor and either have some seriously fucked-up shit happen, like a snake crawling up some chick's pussy or something, or just cut your losses and spend the money on whiskey. We don't need any more lame shit like this.
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YOU don't have to PUT UP with the HIP.
