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Sinbad of the Seven Seas

(1989)

This woman who is completely fried on on some pretty scary drugs, or possibly just insane, tells her daughter a bedtime story about Sinbad. It starts with Sinbad (played by the Incredible Hulk) and his five sailor friends on their way home from a long trip at sea. (I should probably point out that they're all total, flaming queers, sporting purple spandex and jewelry Liberace rejected as being too gaudy.) When they finally get home though they find out that everything has gone to shit: this dick wizard has taken over the whole city ("My extraordinary powers make me top of the heap around here!" he tells them), and he catches Sinbad and throws him into the dungeon with a bunch of snakes. Sinbad tells them that he feels their pain, so the snakes let him tie them together into a rope and he escapes, rounds up his faggot crew, and they all sail off to find these magical gems that can destroy the wizard once and for all. (At first they say there's seven of these gems, but later they say there's four and when it's all over I think they actually ended up with five, but whatever.) Naturally the gems are all hidden in these dangerous places where they have to have adventures to get them: one is on the Island of the Dead for example, and this so-called Amazon Queen has another one. (Supposedly this Amazon Queen is dangerous because she's so hot that no man can resist her, but needless to say that really wasn't a problem for these guys.) I've read all the Sinbad stories (well, not really, but I did see Sinbad and the Eye of the Tiger on TV once), and I don't remember any of this shit- if they just made it all up they should have added some hot Muslim chicks, or at least a couple of parts that made sense and/or didn't suck. Recommended for fags who have a crush on the Hulk only.