Superman Returns

(2006)

Apparently Superman was so embarrassed by what a phenomenal piece of shit Superman IV was that he flew off into outer space and hid for five years, and this movie starts when he finally comes back. Some stuff has changed (Lex Luthor is actually a badass now instead of a fucking joke, Lois Lane doesn't look like a crack whore anymore), but mostly it's exactly the same as Superman 1: Superman saves a plane again; Lex Luthor has a homely, stupid sidechick who betrays him again; Superman takes Lois Lane flying again; there's an earthquake again; Lex Luthor punks Superman with kryptonite again... About the only thing they left out was that flying around the Earth to turn back time crap, but since it's widely recognized as the stupidest ending in movie history I guess even these fuckwits knew better than to bring that back. Irregardless, this flick is completely pointless and unbelievably boring, and even after it's over it goes on for like another twenty fucking minutes! Jesus. The only good part is when Lex Luthor leaves these two Pomeranians locked in his mansion with no food and one of them eats the other one. That was fucking hilarious.

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