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Tail Sting

(2001)

I think the world be a be a lot better without scientists, because they're always doing stupid shit and getting tons of people killed. Like in this movie, they make these giant mutant scorpions. Who the fuck needs giant scorpions? Nobody, that's who. I know making giant kittens or ponies might be kind of gay, but think of all the horny naked chicks and token black guys who would be alive today if scientists would just use their brains once in a while and not make giant creatures that are really good at killing us.

Things go to hell this time around when one of the scientists tries to steal some of the mutant scorpions while they're on a plane from Australia to the U.S. I'm not sure exactly what he thinks he's gonna do with them: later he says he's gonna be rich, but if there's this huge demand on the black market for killer scorpions I sure don't know about it. Anyway, his plan almost goes to shit when the guy in charge of scorpion security catches him, but he manages to stab the guy in the forehead with a ski pole and hide some of the scorpions in an empty coffin. Now all he has to do is dispose of a body on an airplane in mid-flight, steal the coffin from its real owner once they land, and sneak it through Customs without anyone noticing that it's filled with killer scorpions. The perfect crime.

Unfortunately, the scorpions escape, grow super huge, and I guess this airplane has an attic because they keep dropping down out of the ceiling and killing everyone. We see some nice little tits for about two seconds when they waste one cute chick in the bathroom, but that's about the best part of this movie. There's a crazy-hot little brunette teen, a hot scientist chick, and a hot karate chick, but none of them gets naked, and half the time everyone forgets about the scorpions and all this stupid disaster movie shit happens: the landing gear doesn't work, some dude gets sucked out of the plane, the pilot has to land after he goes blind... Come to think of it, this would have been a lot better if they did like the Airport movies and got all these old has-been actors to be in it- imagine Dick Clark or Maude or somebody getting a scorpion stinger right through the face. Now that would have been awesome.