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Tall Tale

(1995)

Well I'll be horngoggled if this ain't the gun-slingin'est, root-tootin'est, ass-suckin'est bag of shit I ever did see. These crooks want to buy this one dude's land, and when he won't sell they shoot him. His kid runs off with the deed though, and his brilliant plan is to take a nap during which he has this ridiculous dream where a couple of famous folklore guys and Paul Bunyan the walking lumber advertisement teach him to stand up for what he believes in. When the kid wakes up he does just that, so the bad guys kill him. Ha! I'm kidding. I wish that was how it would've ended though because at least that would've been interesting. Normally when you hear about folklore guys they're doing unbelievable shit like punching a dude so hard he lands on the moon, or cutting down a tree so tall that it takes like a week for it to hit the ground, or eating so much pussy that they actually have to go on a diet afterwards. That's why their stories are called "tall tales" (or "bullshit"). In this movie though, pretty much all they do is shoot people and get into brawls. Hell, I could do that. Where, exactly, is the fucking "tall tale" part? Screw this lousy ripoff. Fucking weak.

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