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Tarantulas: The Deadly Cargo

(1977)

These guys are delivering coffee, illegal immigrants, and killer tarantulas somewhere when their plane crashes in the laziest fucking town in the United States (seriously, it's like broad daylight when they go down and everyone is still in bed). The local fire department decides that the best way to save the people still stuck in the plane is to set it on fire, so of course it blows up. Everyone starts digging through the plane looking for survivors (and stealing shit- fucking scumbags), but somehow nobody notices the 80 million huge spiders inside so they escape and start invading the town and killing everybody. (Frankly, I don't think a bunch of fucking layabouts who can't be bothered to get up before two in the afternoon unless there's a plane wreck to loot getting snuffed is much of a loss to society, but that's just me.) In the end the spiders all end up in this huge warehouse full of oranges, but the town wants to sell the oranges to this one guy and he says he won't buy them if they use poison to kill the spiders. So here's what they do: they like lure a bunch of bugs to the center of the warehouse with rotten oranges,  then when the spiders go to eat the bugs they play this tape of bees to scare them. While the spiders are all cowering in fear (I guess), a bunch of people go in, scoop them up with shovels, and throw them into buckets of alcohol. What the fuck? Rube Goldberg would have come up with a less complicated plan than that. And you know what? Even if they did get the spiders I sure as hell wouldn't buy those oranges after all this crazy shit. Gimme a goddamned break. This movie's fucking retarded.


 

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