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They Are Among Us

(2004)

This teenager must have the most boring life ever, because his parents have this little box they won't show him that's probably just where they keep their stash or whatever and he thinks it's like the biggest fucking mystery of all time. Get out of the house, kid. Meanwhile this blonde chick is creeping around who's just the opposite- nothing fazes this broad. She goes to the plastic surgeon and sees this guy with a fucked-up bug head or something, and later when she's chilling in her RV this dead body covered in blood falls on her windshield, and both times she's just like "Huh!"

Anyway, the teenager's life finally does start to get interesting: his token black friend runs away and just hangs out in the woods for like weeks making weird phone calls to him;* a little kid stares at him in a restaurant, then eats a mouse; this chick stops by, smacks his mom in the mouth, then smooches her (awesome); and his parents go to a snooty party where a bunch of people eat a purple dude that's nailed to the wall. Then the blonde chick kidnaps the teenager and his best friend and tells them that almost everyone in town is an alien, which I guess is supposed to explain everything. Later another chick who bleeds fire (I assume she's an alien) breaks into the blonde's RV and gets blasted in the face with acid or something. Next the aliens kill this Asian dude. One of the alien chicks puts the Asian's body in her closet, where some guy finds it while the alien chick is trying to mack on him ("Get away from me you alien whore!"). Did I mention that the leader of the aliens is this queer named "Uncle Bob" who looks like a child molester? When it's all over they couldn't think of an ending so they just have a giant crawdad bust out of the wall of the kid's bedroom for absolutely no reason at all and attack everyone.

Jesus fucking Christ. I can only write "duh" so many times before the word loses all meaning.

*How the hell did he charge that fucking cell phone anyway? Plug it into a tree?