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Time of the Apes

(1974)

This nip chick (not too shabby...) and two annoying kids get put in suspended animation and wake up on the Japanese version of the Planet of the Apes. One ape named (I swear to fucking God) "Gay Bar" wants to kill them, but they escape and team up with a little ape kid and this other dude who's like the last man on Earth. The pimp-ass leader of the apes (nice bling- isn't that the Löwenbräu symbol?) says they should just let the people be, so Gay Bar gets pissed off and starts this ape rebellion, which might've been pretty cool if we actually got to see any of it. The bad apes chase the humans all over the place, but every time they 're about to catch them this UFO shows up and saves the day. Finally in the end the good apes win the big ape war that they can't be bothered to show us, so they let the humans go and they follow the UFO over some mountains and somehow go back to their normal time thanks to a bunch of bullshit double-talk and kiss my ass Time of the Apes. This is pretty much the last desperate stop for people who have seen all of the Planet of the Apes movies, TV shows, and cartoons, but still can't get enough of this shit. We're talking serious bottom-of-the-barrel here, but where else are you gonna see an ape sporting a white suit, a pimp cane, and a fucking Löwenbräu necklace?

Hey! That motherfucker is flipping us off!