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Time Walker

(1982)

Years and years ago I had this video movie guide called the "Video Movie Guide", or something equally creative. Anyway, it was by these two asshats named Mick Martin & Marsha Porter, and they said not to rent this tape because it just stops right in the middle of the story and says "To Be Continued!" Well, Mick Martin & Marsha Porter, you are LYING SHITBAGS because that doesn't happen. The horror starts when these clowns find a value-added bonus mummy in King Tut's tomb. They ship the mummy to this questionable college (most important archeological crap gets sent to museums or the government, but for some reason half-assed community colleges seem to have dibs on all mummies), but when this dilhole steals his cubic zirconium the mummy comes to life and starts killing everybody to get it back. Even worse, he's covered with this fungus that's like the flesh-eating virus or something, so even if you manage to get away from him you're still fucked. As if that isn't enough, in a twist that would be amazing if they didn't show it right on the goddamned box, it turns out the mummy is really an alien! All this plus a mummy home invasion, a mummy elevator invasion, a little bit of gore, and even some tits. Fuck you, Mick Martin & Marsha Porter- this movie rocks.