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Trilogy of Terror II

(1996)

There's three stories in this movie, which is why it's called Trilogy of Terror. The "II" is because it's part 2. Hopefully they'll make a Part 3 so people can talk about the "Trilogy of Terror Trilogy", which would confuse everybody and make me extremely happy because I like anything that complicates matters.

Anyway, in the first story, this smokin' hot slut and her boyfriend off her husband by pushing his wheelchair down the stairs. (This is always one of my favorite things in movies- whenever there's a person in a wheelchair in a movie, I always spend the whole time hoping that someone will push them down the stairs. Man, that never gets old.) It turns out he hid all his cash though and the only clue to where it is is in his coffin, so they have to dig the guy up which wouldn't be that big a deal except the graveyard just happens to be full of these cool-ass giant rats. The end of this one was pretty awesome, even though I hate to see a terrific piece like that get wasted before she even has a chance to take a shower or something. They really should have shown her naked.

The second story is about this chick who tries to bring her dead son back to life. I don't know why people are always doing this because it never works out. It's particularly annoying this time too, because after he comes back all he does is run around yelling and being really fucking irritating, which is a lot like when someone brings an actual kid to your house and who the hell wants that? A cool ending for this story would have been the kid being so obnoxious that the broad remembers why she killed him in the first place and offs him again, but that's not what happens and the real end is pretty lame.

In the last one the cops find that spazzy little bastard doll that's the only thing anyone ever remembers from Trilogy Of Terror Part 1 and leave it at this museum so they can study it for clues. Of course the little crackhead comes back to life and goes berserk and starts killing everybody in sight. I guess it's supposed to be different from the story in the first one because this time it's a museum. If they do make a Part 3 I suppose they're going to have to find another new place to set the fucker loose in. They should have like a big promotion where you can vote online where you want the doll to turn up next. I say on a cruise ship, or maybe at Arby's.

None of these stories has much blood in it and they really missed the boat by not showing off that chick's rack, but one of the three stories was pretty cool so I guess it earns a 33%, which come to think of it is still an F. Should have shown us those tits.