Home

The Uninvited

(1996)

This is another one of those haunted house movies that says "based on a true story", as if anyone's ever gonna buy into that "Amityville Horror" bullshit again. Since it's a "true" haunted house movie you know there'll be a good ghost and a bad ghost, blood will come out of the faucets, shit will get moved around, doors will slam by themselves, an annoying psychic will show up, and of course it will turn out the house is built on an old cemetery or Indian burial ground or some such shit. Almost all this shit happens, except the blood comes out of the drain instead of the faucet this time so I guess they were thinking outside the box or something. In the end the husband digs up the back yard and finds some gravestones,* one of the kids gets attacked by a garden hose, a whirlpool happens in their basement, and finally they escape and sue the construction company (seriously). There's no gore or anything and of course no tits. Your mom would probably like it.

*Just once I wanna see a movie like this where somebody tries to dig up the bodies (or whatever) that are supposed to be buried in their backyard and they hit a gas main and blow the whole place sky high. That would be awesome.