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Vortex

(1982)

Two different companies want to make this superlaser for the government, so they start bribing and/or killing everybody. This one dude hires Lydia Lunch to put a stop to all the shenanigans, and her big plan to solve the case is to start fucking a guy who works for one of the companies. I guess she's hoping he'll just spill the beans one night while he's jerking off in her face or something. The only problem is that every time Lydia stops by his place, his annoying Howard Hughes-type boss calls up and cock blocks him. Finally the guy gets so frustrated (not that I blame him) that he kills the old bastard and then blows up the other company's headquarters with the laser.  Lydia Lunch goes after him and when she finally catches him here's their conversation:

Guy: "Your brains are up your ass- you don't even know how to use that gun."
Lydia Lunch: "I'll blow your fucking head off."

Brilliant. It's like Shakespeare wrote it via ouija board or something. The guy manages to get Lydia's gun away from her, punches her in the face a couple of times, and tries to rape her, but Lydia Lunch only goes in for that kind of shit when she's calling the shots so she electrocutes him and he falls off a building. Lydia Lunch was like the choicest piece of ass in the world in 1982 so this should've been an awesome movie, but despite all the times she ends up in bed or takes a bath or gets raped all we ever see is one nipple, once:

Thanks for (almost) nothing, Lydia. Weak.



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