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Who Is Killing the Great Chefs of Europe?

(1978)

Someone is killing chefs, and they're doing it in cooking ways, like baking them in an oven or crushing their head in a duck press (for those of you who are unsophisticated and shit, a duck press is like a juicer, except for ducks). It's a good thing the killer is mad at chefs- can you imagine if he was after CPAs or something? He'd just have to stab every single one of them with a pencil and that would get pretty boring after a while. I can think of a lot of awesome, gory cooking ways that you could off a person though, and I'll bet somebody who actually knows what that little compartment under the oven is for and owns silverware that wasn't stolen from Denny's could think of even more, so this movie should rock pretty hard. Unfortunately they decided to screw it all up- every single one of the murders is totally weak. Why come up with a bunch of kickass ways to kill people if you aren't going to show any of it? The best thing about this movie is this fat food critic dude- he looks a lot like that one guy John "Big as A" Houseman,* except he's a huge cocksucker to everyone and it's fucking hilarious. So if you like fat people who are complete dickheads check this out; otherwise it's a total waste of time.

*You like that one, Chris Berman?