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The Wicker Man

(2006)

This is actually the second time they made this flick. If you never saw the first one, here's what happened: the Equalizer goes to this island to look for a missing little girl, but everybody there gives him the runaround. He finally finds the kid, but it turns out he's been totally bamboozled by these cats and they put him in a huge wicker man and set it on fire. The Equalizer is super religious, so he cries and cries for Jesus but he burns alive anyway. Where's your messiah now, Flanders? It was kind of pretentious, but there was tons of sexual shit and some incredible tits so it actually ended up being fairly cool. Well this is basically the same story, except it's the "...for Dummies" version. Plus, just to make it extra lame, they decided to leave out the sex and there's not a tit to be seen! One thing they did do right though was making all the bad guys chicks, so when the main dude flips out at the end we've got him decking broads left & right and he even power kicks one right into a wall! Those parts were great, but other than that this movie's a complete fucking joke.

And could someone please tell me what the hell is up with the main chick's lips? She looks like she had an allergic reaction to the director's cock: