There's plenty of reasons to be bitchy to your ex-husband. Like maybe you caught him porking your marriage counselor, or he used to punch you in the stomach all the time. This chick in this movie is a non-stop bitch for no reason though, and it's really fucking irritating after a while. Seriously, somebody needs to slap her right across the mouth. With a crowbar.

Anyway, I assume this flick is trying to be more "xtreme" than 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea by adding more leagues, but apparently once you get past 20,000 it's like diminishing returns or whatever because this is totally weak. The main problem is that the inside of Captain Nemo's submarine - which is where almost everything goes down - looks like the inside of a submarine. There's no grand piano or cool old paintings on the wall or a huge dining room table where everybody can have a seven course meal and like subtly threaten each other while pretending to be all polite and shit. It makes for a pretty boring movie. Everybody just kind of stands around shooting their mouth off until the good guys finally make their big escape, which is so half-assed and confusing that I rewound it twice and I still don't understand exactly what happened. (And I like how the main dude just leaves one guy behind to get shot. What a hero.) Come to thick of it, I didn't really understand the end either, or how that squid managed to get ahold of the blonde chick and drag her off to an unspeakable briny death while Captain Selfless was busy making out with his ex. And speaking of giant squids, there's a few in this movie so you'd think the good guys would have a huge, awesome fight with at least one of them, but it never happens! Christ, even the old Walt Disney version had a reasonably badass squid fight in it! Seriously, when Disney's version of something is ten times more hardcore than yours, it really is time to turn in your dicks.