The lesbo from Buffy the Vampire Slayer is the star of this and she's looking surprisingly fine, so I've got a new list of seven things for her to do:

1. Blow Mr. Satanism

I'll think of six more later. Anyway, her actual list is pretty lame; "Go skinny dipping" has promise, but of course we don't see anything. And where's "Have a baby"? I mean, that is every woman's only real goal in life so I can't believe they left it off. I also can't believe that her boyfriend takes her back at the end after the way she shits all over him. Seriously dude, have some fucking self-respect. Overall this was a pretty boring movie, but it did inspire me to make my own list of seven things to do before I'm (a hundred and) thirty, so here it is:

1. Get blown by the lesbo from Buffy the Vampire Slayer

2. Inherit 300 million dollars, but there's a catch: first I have to spend 30 million dollars in 30 days and have absolutely nothing to show for it. Except a coke habit.

3. Get the original members of Sigue Sigue Sputnik back together

4. Win a Clio

5. Get my camera back from those uptight pricks at Area 51

6. Finally see East Timor

7. Bang a majority percentage of Rockbitch

Okay, I should probably get started on some of these so I'll catch you later. Keep on rockin', or whatever the hell it is you do when you're not reading this website. I'm sure it's something boring, like work or something.