Since when do DVDs crackle and pop like some old record album you picked up at the Goodwill? That just shows the level of quality we're dealing with here. The first half of this flick is fucking terrible: it's annoying; the actors suck; the main people are all complete douchetools; and even the bitchy, pretentious Satanist chick - who should be right up my alley - is so skanky and sub-par that there's no way I'd fuck her more than once or twice. Okay, six times. But then the monster shows up and, fucking props, these chuckleheads came up with one cool-ass monster. If it kills the five main dildos immediately and goes on a rampage through the city this might turn out to be a pretty decent flick. Oh, wait, someone said they're on an island, didn't they? God damn it. As you can probably guess, the rest of the movie is just people running around the woods, interrupted every once in a while by some awful "comedic" relief courtesy of itinerant yokels and a bum who looks and acts like he stepped out of a 1940s comic strip. For real, if you went to Party City and bought the generic "Hobo" costume that comes in the plastic bag ("Includes Hobo Bindle!") you would look more authentic then this guy. I'll bet the director of this flick is some poor little rich boy who thinks that bums are imaginary characters who only exist in old movies and shit. What an asshole. At any rate, there is some decent gore and the Satanist shows us her left tit, but overall this one fails to get the job done.

I'd suck on that titty for a while though.