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Ancient Mysteries
"Bigfoot"

(1994)

Does Bigfoot really exist? Short answer: you're a moron. Long answer:

"Either the most complex and sophisticated hoax in the history of anthropology has continued for centuries without being exposed, or the most man-like and largest non-human primate on earth has managed to survive in parts of North America and remains undiscovered by modern science." -G. W. Gill, President of the American Board of Forensic Anthropology

"Sophisticated hoax"??? It's some guy running around it a monkey suit! It never fooled Scooby-Doo and it sure as hell shouldn't fool you, Mr. so-called anthropologist. Naturally this show is full of cretins who say that Bigfoot can't be a dude in a suit because he would have to be part of some "fake Bigfoot" secret society (don't try to follow the logic here; your brain will explode), and pictures of Bigfoot so convincing that they have to draw an outline around where he's supposed to be before you can even see what the hell they're talking about. Oh, and one cat they interview is identified as a "Story Teller". Uh huh. My favorite though is the total fag who says that when he "seen" Bigfoot he got so emotional that he started to cry. "To the disbelievers: there's gonna be a, rather a large, hairy surprise one day when somebody finds one," he says lisps. I'll bet you can't wait, queer.

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