
Video Picks for Perverts
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(1955)
I know sometimes movie titles are symbolic or whatever, but when I started watching this I promised myself one thing: if there's not a REALLY big knife in this movie, I'm gonna punch somebody in the face. Well, I'm definitely on the lookout for someone smaller than me, because not one person gets stabbed in this flick. In fact, they should've called it "The Big Yap". Talk talk talk, yak yak yak... The main guy talks about how he needs to sign some contract. His wife talks about how she doesn't want him to. His boss talks about how sorry he'll be if he doesn't. This blonde talks about what an annoying floozy she is. Don't get me wrong, sometimes lots of talking in a movie is okay, like when people are telling funny jokes, or being hilariously cruel to each other, or using lots of racial slurs. But this isn't any of that stuff, it's just jerkoffs yammering on and on about nothing, whining, and witlessly arguing about the same shit over and over. Fuck, even when something exciting does happen (like a guy flipping out and kicking the crap out of a chick, or someone committing suicide) they don't actually show it, they just talk about it later. For real, a Kevin Smith remake of My Dinner with Andre would have less talking in it. (It would probably have a lot more farting though.) To paraphrase one of the many, many things people say in this flick: this movie buries itself with its mouth.
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YOU don't have to PUT UP with the HIP.