Ashley - actually, I'll bet you anything it's spelled "Ashleigh" - can't be bothered to pay attention in history class, but so what? From the looks of it she's gonna grow up to be pretty damn hot, and hot chicks don't need to know what the capitol of the Byzantine Empire was or who invented the Nazis. That's for ugly girls who need to talk about stuff in order to impress people. She's in for a shocker though, and not the kind I'd like to give her on her eighteenth birthday- it seems she just slipped into an alternate reality where there's no Bill of Rights! Or as we call it nowadays, America. Ha ha! Seriously though, things are pretty bad. First off, her school has uniforms now, because that's determined by the Bill of Rights, I guess. Even worse, everyone is required to have a national registration number, which is different from being required to have a Social Security number because, um, somehow. The Internet sucks too. Whenever she tries to search for something, the search engine just assumes it knows better and gives her those results instead. You know, like Google. Pretty soon she asks one question too many, and before you know it her whole family has been busted by the pigs! Besides the main story, this program also has a bunch of Q&A portions, but they're pretty horrible. See, there's a whole series of these shows and the big gimmick is that they're live and you can call in with your idiot questions, which sounds good in theory but in practice half of the Q&A consists of their panel of experts saying "Go ahead. You can ask your question now. Hello? You're on the air. Go ahead with your question. Hello?" Even worse, one of the hosts is this scrawny fucking dork with the most hideous grin I've ever seen. Seriously, don't smile at me, kid. It's making my skin crawl.

Incidentally, if you do happen to catch one of these live don't bothering calling in and asking for Ashleigh's phone number. They won't give it to you, take my word for it.