"I thought you'd never see it," says the main chick when her beau finally notices the ring her pop gave her. Frankly, I don't know how you could miss it- it's the cheapest, tackiest-looking thing I've ever seen that didn't wrap up the evening by blowing me. Apparently dad does all his gift shopping at that bank of bubblegum machines outside the grocery store.

Worse things are in store for this twat though, because it seems the ring originally belonged to this perfectly-preserved hottie dad found in Egypt the very same day she was born. I so would've called dibs if I was at that tomb opening, and it looks like he felt the same way seeing as the hottie has spent the last 20+ years in his basement. "What are you doing down there, Dad?" "Nothing! Don't open the door!" The bad guy, meanwhile, actually wants to bring the hottie back to life. Why? There's some gibberish about her being "beyond good and evil", but I think it's mainly because she has big ol' titties. A few people do get killed along the way (most hilariously fake death: the joker who manages to crash his car into a tree even though the car is obviously standing perfectly still), but for the most part it's all pretty lame. Hell, even the catfight at the end is completely weak. Oh, and speaking of cats, there's one in this movie and according to the credits its real name is "Sunbronze Danny Boy". What kind of mick fag names their cat "Sunbronze Danny Boy"? Jesus.