God fuck it I am so friggin' tired of movies about zany, out-of-control criminal chicks who somehow hook up with a boring tool and then suddenly decide that they want to go straight so they can have 2.5 and a house with a microwave. I know that that's every nerd screenwriter's dream, but you delusional screenwriters need to accept the fact that you're the bass players of the movie biz and it will never happen, ever, so get over it and try to come up with something we haven't seen a million times before, like a movie where french toast saves the day, or a story about a beautiful girl who moves to Manila so she can learn to be a saxophone.

This flick's only saving grace is that Asia Argento is in it and she gets naked a bunch of times, but as I've pointed out before Asia Argento is almost always naked so it's not like you need to watch this lame-ass turd to get your daily recommended allowance of that. Hey screenwriters, when you finally write that truly original movie, work in a part where Ellie Kemper and Laura Silverman show up and we get to see them naked, or at the very least in the tiniest swimsuits allowable by law. If I could be in that scene too, that would be the bomb.