Welp, Whoopi Goldberg's skeleton is on the rampage, and everyone it touches, breathes on, or takes out with its ninja-grade knife-throwing abilities turns to dust. Why is it that everyone in the movies can throw a knife at like an expert level? Hell, just last week I tried to toss a knife into the sink and ended up having to take my girlfriend to the emergency room; do they really expect us to believe that a skeleton can hit a moving target from a hundred yards away when it doesn't even have any eyes??? Give me a fucking break. (Wait a second, I guess this fucker does have eyes. It probably doesn't have a fully functional inner ear though, so my objection stands.) Oh, and the Bone Eater's other big trick is making his own ride (in this case a horse) out of thin air, sort of like an extra-low-rent Ghost Rider. You'd think a monster sporting all these mad skills would be pretty hard to kill, but nope: it takes the main guy a grand total of two seconds to finish it off. For real, he doesn't even break a sweat. In addition to the lame, lazy, ripoff ending this flick has awful cartoon effects, features no actual bone eating, and suffers from some serious HCDF Syndrome. If you don't know who I'm referring to because you fell asleep while you were watching this (which is likely), she's the archeology student who gets killed in the jeep. I sure wouldn't mind feeding that little hottie the bone.

Note: #19 on my list of movies that sound like porn, but aren't.