Captain Kirk's daughter looks like your typical blonde fluff (well, except for her horrific triple-ply eyebrows that meet in the middle, clearly identifying her as a werewolf), but she's smoking dope and listening to Suicidal Tendencies so I guess her parents did something right. But then tragedy strikes: there's a shooting at her prom and she disappears! The shooter wasn't just some disgruntled pussy in a trenchcoat either, it was gang-related! See, as it turns out, the daughter's handle is "Shadow" and she's keeping it real in a crew called "Live For Now" with her boo, "Rocket", who... excuse me for a moment.

Ah ha ha ha ha ha ha!

I'm sorry, but if Hannah Montana and her friends started a gang it would have more street cred than that. I mean really, "Live For Now"? "Shadow"? "Rocket"? All they need are a couple more kids named "Chipper" and "Motz" (on bass and keyboards, respectively) and they could headline their own show on Nickelodeon.

So anyway, Captain Kirk goes looking for her and he learns that life on the streets, it ain't no joke, even if this movie is. There's a hilariously lame brawl while completely inappropriate light jazz plays, a teenage boy offers to sex Kirk up for twenty bucks, Kirk interrupts a drug deal and gets chased by Asians, and of course they just can't resist bringing up the whole "teens and Satan" thing, which was big news in 1988 since obviously there was nothing important going on. (Did you know that "Natas" is "Satan" spelled backwards??? Holy shit!) Plus tons of punk rockers (because, you know, the 1980s) and a part where Kirk gets to shoot some robots.

Oh, the daughter? She eventually comes home on her own. Duh.