Here it is, the goddamned Village People movie. That's right, this stars the fucking Village People, which means that it could be the greatest movie ever made and it would still suck. It's full of roller skating, oodles of disco-dancin' douchebags, gayness on a biblical scale, and music so fucking awful it will make you swear off hearing. The truly pathetic part is that even if you're one of those déclassé fags who actually likes the Village People, you'll still hate this movie because they aren't even the main gays guys. It's more about Mahoney from Police Academy trying to break into the music biz, except of course when it forgets to be about anything at all and random stuff just starts happening, like Bruce "nice hair, dork" Jenner getting mugged by an old lady, or this other bag getting trapped in a phone booth. What the fuck is going on? Did they forget they were making a movie and just start filming random shit? And I'll buy the cop being in costume all the time since he's supposed to actually be a cop, but why the hell is the Indian wearing his headdress and shit when he's just walking down the street or hanging around watching television? I guess he's a "method" queer. Needless to say this movie reeks of day-old ass, and every copy should be rounded up and destroyed immediately, along with all the Village People's albums and, since we're going to all this trouble anyway, every other disco album ever made. I'll give Blondie a pass, but only because Debbie Harry was so goddamned hot.

Incidentally, it turns out you CAN stop the music. Allow me to refer you to a little something called AIDS: