Okay, this starts off with a Dawn of the Dead style zombie outbreak, but then everybody forgets it ever happened and 14 years later we join these kids on their way to a concert. Except for the chick in the passenger seat (who's so goddamned hot it's unfair to the rest of her gender) they're complete fucking write-offs, so it's only slightly tragic when a zombie steps out in front of their van and they panic and drive off a cliff. Later the undead prick visits the cemetery and zombifies the lot of them so I figured I knew where this was going, but this flick is always one incomprehensible step ahead so suddenly it's another year later and oh the humanity they're moving the headstones but not the bodies! You son of a bitch! You left the bodies and you only moved the headstones! You only moved the headstones!!! Why??? Why???

For real, what the Christ-baiting fuck is going on? So far it's like three different zombie movies in one, all of which suck. As if being completely nonsensical isn't bad enough, we also have to deal with stupid humor like this:

Idiot: "I was wondering if you knew the name of a diner around here where I can get a decent breakfast?"
Hearing Aid Guy: "You say you're looking for a miner with a black vest?"

The hilarity. And don't even get me started on the big redneck/zombie brawl at the end. The sad thing is that there's actually some stuff I liked hiding in this flick: the part where they find the guy who got buried alive works; the main zombie looks pretty damn cool; there's the aforementioned hottie; and I wouldn't mind sticking the brunette waitress who turns into the main chick... she's looking mighty fine in those stylish black capris, and her rack alone could feed a whole family of zombies. Overall though this movie is a complete disaster. At the very least the waitress could've gotten naked.