"First your parents tell you to have hopes and dreams, and then they move you to New Jersey. It makes no sense." Ha! Lindsey Lohan stars in this flick as a vaguely-punky chick with an amazing rack who moves to a new town and starts bumping heads with the most popular girl in school (who, frankly, is hotter than Lindsey and therefore deserves to win). LL steals the other girl's part in this play, and she even beats her at Dance Dance Revolution at the local mall (wow, New Jersey is way more like Japan than I ever imagined), but the shit really hits the fan (in an ABC Family sort of a way, that is) when LL says she has tickets to this huge rock concert & exclusive after party when really she doesn't. Okay, wait a minute; wasn't this an episode of Diff'Rent Strokes, Family Ties, Hannah Montana, The Cosby Show, Full House, Silver Spoons, Growing Pains, The Facts of Life, What's Happening!, Friends, Saved By the Bell, Family Matters, Home Improvement, It's Your Move, Who's the Boss?, Fresh Prince, The Brady Bunch, Sabrina the Teenage Witch, Friends, Just the Ten of Us, Webster, Grounded for Life, and M*A*S*H? Seriously, this is the best they could come up with? There are a few funny parts (LL getting all up on someone's sack for being a drunk is particularly hilarious), but it would've been a lot better if it wasn't so scatterbrained and pointless. Some tits would've been nice too, but this is a kids' movie and kids aren't supposed to see tits, which never made any sense to me since they're the only ones allowed to suck on them in public.