Various shady miscreants (gangsters, counter-revolutionaries, Americans) loot the Cuban treasury, but when they hightail it out of there they're forced to take along some actual Cubans as well. Too many Cubans.* The crooks have a plan though- using common, household items they fake a monster attack to scare the Cubans and get the upper hand. The only problem: there really is a monster! Frankly the real monster looks like it was made from common household items too, but that doesn't mean it's any less hungry, and before long there's real and fake monster attacks going down left and right. It sounds like a stupid flick, and it is, but at least the moviemakers know this and treat the whole thing like the joke that it is. Some of their funny bits work too, like the cartoon at the beginning, the payphone in the middle of god-fuck nowhere (naturally, a line starts to form the second someone uses it), and lines like this:

Main Guy: "It was dusk. I could tell because the sun was going down."

Others don't scan at all, like the whole painful shtick with the guy who's constantly making random animal noises. He was so unfunny that it literally gave me a migraine, and I thought my eyeballs were going to explode when, later, he meets this woman who also likes to make random animal noises. Seriously, Creature from the Haunted Sea, are you trying to give me a stroke? In the end the monster kills nearly everybody, but random animal noise lady is one of the few who manages to escape, which really corked my weasel. Of all these bozos, I wanted to see her die most of all. She was a fat, annoying whore.

Read Mr. Satanism's book, The 100 Best Movies Ever Made ...Mostly Suck, now available here and on Amazon.