Creepshow, what an awesome movie. Too bad the second one was so lame. At any rate, if the first two were supposed to be like the old EC comic books from the 1950s, then I assume this one is supposed to be like the Charlton comic books from the 1970s, i.e. completely nonsensical and moronic beyond words.

Part 1: A sexy little schoolgirl gets turned into a gooey monster and then a rabbit thanks to a magical remote control. Why? No reason. At the end, the old guy responsible essentially tells her that she deserves it, but she really didn't do anything bad so I don't see why that would be the case. My guess is that she turned down his pervy pedophile advances at some point and this is his revenge. So now there's one less hottie in the world, which is total bullshit.

Part 2: This loser buys a talking radio and starts doing whatever it says, including killing people. Then he gets shot by a crack whore. The most hilariously retarded part is at the very end, when a guy drives past this informative sign:

At least now we know exactly where this story takes place. America.

Part 3 is about this mediocre hooker. Unfortunately for those of us who buy hookers, she's the stabbing kind. She stabs some people, there's a TSS, and then she gets eaten by a monster. At least this one's a little gory, which I guess makes it the best of the lot by default.

Part 4: The degenerate old fart who turned the schoolgirl into a rabbit is back. This time he's getting married, but these other two guys decide that his fiancé is a robot, so they try to take her apart and she dies. Why do they think she's a robot? Because she's foreign. It's like some weird Hannah Montana subplot gone horrifically awry, except nowhere near as entertaining as that would imply.

Part 5: This doctor is an insufferable asshole, so he gets his own TV series called House. Ha ha! I'm kidding. Actually he rounds up three equally worthless douchebags and the dumbest whore he can find and together they co-write Creepshow III.

I would say that these stories suck, but something has to have a beginning, middle, and end and/or make some kind of sense to be a story. This movie definitely sucks though. It sucks hard. In fact, it's such an astronomically huge piece of shit that you would have to be Einstein's older brother just to comprehend it. I give it one star for the schoolgirl, and an F- for everything else.