
Video Picks for Perverts
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(1988)
Except for the fucktarded scene at the very end where this family's exploded house magically puts itself back together (duh) Critters 1 is an awesome flick. Unfortunately, Part 2 here kicks awesome to the curb and concentrates on pushing the fucktarded angle. It all begins (again) when this nitwit finds some Critter eggs and sells them to the local antique dealer (because that makes sense). He in turn sells them to this old lady, who uses them for an Easter egg hunt, after which they hatch and the Critters that were inside proceed to attack everybody. What an astounding chain of events! And not at all contrived or insulting to my intelligence! The big revelation that the Critters can all join together into one giant Critter ball is pretty goddamned stupid too. When are the people who make sequels going to learn that bigger isn't better, better is better? Honestly, this whole movie reeks of "Ah, the first draft is good enough. Let's go do some Jägerbombs." Still, it is kinda fun to see the Critters wreak chaos again, a couple of them die in moderately cool ways (I especially liked the part where one takes a bath in a deep fryer), and I love watching the gluttonous little bastards get hurt or killed when they try to eat the wrong things (it reminds me of a dog I used to have). Given the option I'd just watch Critters 1 again, but if you really must... Actually, scratch that. Just watch Critters 1 again. Read Mr. Satanism's book, The 100 Best Movies Ever Made ...Mostly Suck, now available here and on Amazon.
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YOU don't have to PUT UP with the HIP.