More like the Dickless Horseman if you ask me. His go-nowhere curse begins when this dil inherits a... well, he calls it a ranch, but it's more like some weird cowboy-themed sideshow/tourist trap. At any rate, he has six months to turn it into a profitable racket, so he recruits all his ugly, smelly friends and the entire hippie nation caravans out there to lend a hand. The fact that he thinks a bunch of doped-up hippies will actually do a lick of work shows how stupid starts throwing blood all over the kid and holy shit, it's the ghost! Oh, I'm sorry, did that last sentence make zero sense? Well, that's because I caught this flick on some shitbag movie show that airs on WTSP called "Beat-Off Cinema" (or something), and they had to cut a few things out so they could squeeze in more commercials. Never mind that this movie is only 78 minutes long to start with and Beat-Off Cinema runs a full two hours. Apparently WTSP is pretty confident that we can never get too much of those people who want to buy our structured settlements and unused gift cards.

So what did they cut out? The scenes where people are just wandering around? The part where a couple of chicks talk about nothing? The part where two hippies go on stage and do a comedy bit that's so unfunny it made me yearn for Gallagher, or even Gallagher Too? Nope. Instead, they just randomly removed a huge chunk of the movie that explains 1) how the hippies are gonna save the tourist trap 2) how they came up with the idea 3) the fact that there's a ghost 4) how everybody finds out about the ghost 5) why there's ghost and 6) what the ghost's fucking malfunction is. In short, every single thing you need to understand what the hell's going on! Seriously, I don't know who made the call here, but my only question to them is this: are your brains entirely made out of shit, or just the part that allows you to remove your head from your asshole?

Well, I'm a professional, unlike some people, so I tracked down a copy of this movie that did include the plot and trust me it definitely wasn't worth the effort. First off, the combination of hippies, an in-name-only ranch, cowboys, and a dumb legend that, to absolutely no one's surprise, turns out to be a hoax gave me entirely too many flashbacks to The Chooper. Also, even the best copy I could find still looked like it was filmed during an eclipse. In the plus column there is a part where a sexy hippie chick rolls around smearing blood all over herself while she's peaking on acid, which was pretty fucking hot, and it does end with someone shooting a bunch of hippies for no good or practical reason, which is always a crowd pleaser. Unless it's a crowd of hippies, I suppose.