In 1995 people wanted to see blood in their stool more than they wanted to see a pirate movie, so this flick totally tanked which is too bad because even though it's nothing special it gets the job done: there's pirates fighting, boats fighting, pirates fighting on boats, treasure maps, chests of gold, pirates swinging from ropes, people walking the plank... Plus the main pirate is a decent-looking chick, so there's still something to look at when the pirating gets too hackneyed. There's also lots of desecrated corpses for some reason, including a bishop or something whose mummy body gets demolished when a fucking horse runs into it during a chase. Where's your patron saint of not having your earthly remains smashed to pieces during an action sequence now, churchy? The coach chase that causes this to happen is definitely the best part of the movie, and I especially appreciated the fact that the city it goes down in had at least some horse shit in the street. People tend to forget just how much shit really was in the street back then. Trust me, it was a lot. There are some dumb parts of course, like the fact that the main chick doesn't just slit the bad guy's throat in his sleep when she has the chance. Seriously, the movie has the word "cutthroat" right there in the title! What was she thinking? And a quicksand scene? Really? I hate to enlighten you Hollywood, because I know you hate it, but if you can swim, you're in no real danger of drowning in quicksand. So really it was only a threat to the black guy. Ha ha ha! Sorry, but it's true.

Read Mr. Satanism's book, The 100 Best Movies Ever Made ...Mostly Suck, now available here and on Amazon.