This movie starts with the morning paper being delivered. "Boy Who Killed Father Released From Institution" says one headline. The cute chickie who goes out to get the paper doesn't notice though, because she gets distracted by her dad for a minute and then just drops the whole thing, unread, into the trash. Seriously, why are they even paying for a subscription?

Anyway, back to the cute chick. For some reason everyone is hot for her twat: her classmates, her teachers, her principal, even Brad Pitt. Don't get me wrong, she's worth a roll, but really, you'd think she was the last piece on Earth or something. The main story is that one of her many fans is going around killing people, although the murders aren't particularly gory so overall it's pretty lame. (Incidentally, they really blew their chance for a good one when that redhead climbed underneath the bleachers in the gym. Instead of stabbing her, the killer should've pushed the button that automatically retracts them back into the wall and totally smushed the bitch. Crack! Snapple! POP! Squiiiish! Ooze... I hate to see even a middling redhead like her squandered, but that would've totally been worth it.) And what is with the occasional antic they throw in, like all the slapstick adventures the main chick's dad has looking for help, or the part where someone catches the principal wearing a goofy, faggy hat? Doesn't that shit belong in a completely different movie? Whenever one of these bits popped up I started to wonder if maybe the whole movie was supposed to be funny and I just hadn't noticed. Either way it's all a colossal waste of time: I didn't laugh, I wasn't scared, and I didn't puke. There wasn't even anything worth beating off to- the scene where the redhead decided to cheerlead sans panties had some promise, but not enough came of it (so to speak), and there was one part where a pair of tits practically took up the entire screen, but we don't see the girl's face and that really doesn't do it for me. I'm sorry, but I just can't appreciate a rack out of context.