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Damien: Omen II

(1978)

The only reason The Omen exists is because someone realized that there was a buck to be made in providing the Protestants with their own version of The Exorcist, and truth be told I've never understood why so many people dig it. It's a pretty lame, pussified movie when you get right down to it, and Parts 3, 4, and 5 are all equally pointless. (In case you're confused, Parts 4 & 5 were books starring the Omen's son as a brand new Omen. Later they did make a movie version of Part 4, but they changed the Omen to a little girl because that had the potential to be a lot sexier if they ever got as far as Part 6.) I actually like this one though, even though it follows the same lazy pattern as all the others. (Someone finds out that the Omen is the Omen, they die. Someone else finds out, they die. Repeat for two hours or 220 pages.) For one thing, the fact that the Omen is a teenager here makes it a lot more believable because teenagers are natural dicks, and, more importantly, the deaths are way cooler and more disturbing. I especially like the bit where this guy falls into the lake and gets pulled under the ice by the current; everyone can see him drowning through the ice, but none of them can do squat about it. It's an awesome, horrible way to die. There's also a broad who gets nailed by a Mack truck that she didn't see coming because a crow just ate her eyes; people blasted with some toxic chemicals that were earmarked to eventually "feed the world's hungry" (that's one way to deal with them, I guess); a doctor sliced in half by an elevator cable; and a sap crushed between two train cars like a common Chinaman. On the downside, there's way too much corporate bullshit; we get that the Omen's family is rich and runs some gigantic company, can we just move on please? Seriously, no one even cares that corporations have taken over the world in real life, so obviously the public isn't interested in watching a movie about it. I also find it hard to buy how quickly the main kid flip-flops when he finds out that he's the Antichrist. At first he's all "Why me?!" and runs off, because this flick was made in the 1970s and when a kid in the 1970s got upset about anything he just started running.* A few hours later though he's like "Yeah, I'm the Antichrist. Ain't no big." I guess he burned though that whole denial-anger-bargaining-depression-acceptance thing in record time once he realized that he could make people's brains explode with his mind.

*I have no idea where all these 1970s kids thought they were going, but somehow they always ended up trapped in an old mine and being rescued by Shazam or CHiPs.

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