I don't know what the hell is going on here, but this isn't a Daredevil/Spider-Man movie at all, it's just four episodes of one of the many Spider-Man cartoons that have existed over the years. Even worse, it starts out with an episode called "The Sins of the Fathers, Chapter VI". Thanks for dropping us right into the middle of some long, complicated storyline, you inconsiderate fucks. You could've at least covered up the "Chapter VI" so we wouldn't know just how hard we're being screwed. Assholes.

Okay, let's try to make some sense out of this. It starts with Peter Parker going to jail. Why? We don't know. But then, in what may or may not be an amazing twist, he's busted out by Spider-Man! The cops, who are all packing laser guns, try to stop them, but they escape, at which point Peter Parker has a flashback that manages to explain just about everything except the laser guns. Finally some fucking consideration. Eventually Daredevil shows up, but except for a brief misunderstanding he's totally on Spider-Man's side, so how, exactly, is this "Daredevil vs. Spider-Man"??? As it turns out, Spider-Man and Daredevil both end up versus the Kingpin, whose superpowers are being bald and fat. I'll bet you didn't even know you had superpowers, did you? Ha ha! I wonder if my last girlfriend's huge honking nose counts as a superpower in the Marvel Universe? I know her tits should. Seriously, they were unbelievable.

At this point you probably figure that this video couldn't possibility become even more of a ripoff, but that's where you're wrong: even though he's got top billing, halfway through the story Daredevil leaves town and we never see him again! Instead, Spider-Man wraps it all up dealing with the biggest parade of hopeless dipshits I've ever seen, including a guy with a giant penis growing out of each shoulder, Web Woman's grandmother, Two-Face (who doesn't even belong to Marvel Comics), and an albino wearing a polo shirt with a popped collar. Seriously, I could round up a better team of supervillains at the bus station.

After such a complete and utter hose job the bonus Spider-Man cartoon on this tape is almost a relief. Notice I say "almost", because it's still pretty terrible. First off, it's one of the old 1960s ones where Spider-Man is always swinging above every building in the city. What the hell is his webbing supposed to be attached to? The moon? Strategically-placed blimps? Plus the bad guy is - once again - the fucking Kingpin. I wonder what he's guilty of this time? Eating all the cheesecake? Robbing a bank and then using the money to buy all the cheesecake and then eating it? This cartoon has exactly one good part, and that's when someone tries to sell Peter Parker's boss on how badass the Kingpin supposedly is. "That fat slob?" he says, "You must be kidding!" Truer words have never been spoken.