If you're in love, or even just fucking someone who doesn't make you puke, the honeymoon really is the last great hurrah. Honestly, what is there to look forward to after that? Moving all her shit into your place and death, and that's if you're lucky. The guy in this flick is doubly retarded though: not only is he ignoring his wife on their honeymoon, he's ignoring his wife even though she's the crazy chick from Firefly! My god, man, that's like blowing off the crazy chick from Firefly. Wait, that's the exact same thing. It's like... turning down the crazy chick from Firefly. Okay, damn it, let me think... The crazy chick from Firefly wants it, and you say "No thanks, I'm watching Team Knight Rider..." You know, I honestly can't think of anything else absurd enough to compare this plot point to. I guess we'll just have to accept it at face value.

So anyway, the main guy really sticks to his guns when it comes to his refusing to fuck one of the hottest babes on Earth policy, so the Firefly chick finally gets fed up and pushes him off a boat, which makes him die. At least, that's how it appears. As you can imagine there's some twists and turns and whatnot, but frankly it's all pretty boring. The beginning of this flick is no joke because the chick from Firefly spends most of it in a bikini, and every square inch of her is worth at least two chicks you could meet in real life. Once her hubby croaks though practically all she does is cry, and a girl crying is almost never entertaining unless you're the direct cause of it, and not even then if you're trying to hear the television or make an important phone call, like say to her way cuter friend, who, I might add, isn't so goddamned emotional all the time.

Where was I? Oh yeah, Deadly Honeymoon. Besides the bikini, the only good thing about this flick is how the flashbacks to the drunken night when everything went down are all wobbly and in and out of focus and shit. It's a cool gimmick that totally helped me relate, because that's generally how I remember everything.