The Chinese-Honky mafia decides to send homemade vampires after everyone who rattles their balls, and these vampires are so badass that not even ninjas can stand up to them. One guy is willing to take on the undead bitches though, but I can't tell you who he is because they never bother to tell us. You can never be too sure with these goddamned slant movies, but I think he's some sort of superhero, or possibly a robot from the future. At any rate, some kung fu ensues, and he seems to know his business.

Meanwhile this famous gambler and his ex-piece - who just happens to be the head of the Chinese/honky/vampire Mafia - are having a little pissing match over some buried gold, among other things. He actually plays it James Bond cool for a while (or James Bond's Chinese equivalent at least), but finally he snaps and just starts choking the bitch. He probably would've killed her right then and there if her current "toy boy" (that's what they called him) didn't jump in. Wow, the drama. Seriously, are we really supposed to give two fucks about any of this when it's sandwiched between scenes of a superhero robot kung fu fighting with a bunch of vampires? Some more shit happens, and our two main plots finally come together when... Oh, wait, they never come together. In fact, I'm pretty sure this is actually two (or possibly more) different movies that someone just cobbled together, which is a pretty stupid move if you ask me. I mean, if you have two movies, why not put them both out and make double the money? Okay, maybe they both suck, but even if everyone sees one and then knows better than to see the other you'd still make at least the same amount of money. Honestly, people, it really is a no-brainer.

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