I can't even begin to tell you how tired I am of these fucking Night of the Living Dead sequels. There hasn't been a good one since Part 2 in 1978, but the dude behind them just keeps churning the damn things out, like someone who eats too much Mexican food and can't stop shitting. This one goes it one worse by basically being the Blair Witch take on it, and it's so goddamned annoying that I couldn't even get through it the first time. Instead, I turned it off about fifteen minutes in and got drunk until I puked. On purpose. It was time better spent, believe me. Not making it all the way through a movie always makes me feel like a quitter though; I mean, I've survived Frozen Flesh, The Studly Coalition, The Christmas Wife, even Van fucking Helsing, and I'll be fucked if I let this dung heap defeat me. So here we are, and from the dumb beginning where people are (ugh) making a movie and dropping all these trite observations ("Can somebody please explain to me why girls in scary movies always have to like fall down and lose their shoes and shit?"), to the slapdash story that feels like it was written by someone having a brain hemorrhage, to the awful cartoon effects they felt the need to slip in, to the endless contrived convolutions they jump through to constantly have people filming this shit when they should be running for their life (or trying to save someone else's), right up to the very end with its false sense of weary outrage, every second of this movie belongs in a primer on how to irritate the audience. It's like Phil Spector's "Wall of Sound", except in this case it's a Wall of Suck. And it's not like there's anything new here; except for the zombie who gets beaned in the head with a jar of acid and the zombies in the swimming pool we've seen all these bits before in previous ...of the Dead movies. It's just the same tired old shit, once again spewing out of this guy's one-note rectum.

He should've called it "Diarrhea of the Dead".

Read Mr. Satanism's book, The 100 Best Movies Ever Made ...Mostly Suck, now available here and on Amazon.