I like the fact that these dogs just saved Christmas Day, and left Christmas Eve to fend for itself. This isn't actually a movie though, or even a cartoon. You know those kids' shows where somebody just reads a storybook out loud? Well if you can imagine one of those programs made by somebody after they've had a bit too much to drink you'll have a pretty good idea of what this is like. Oh, and imagine this hypothetical person wrote the book too. Also while drinking.

So, the shaky, occasionally out-of-focus story begins when this wizard who was abused as a child poisons Santa's reindeer. Santa has a back-up plan though. First, he adopts eight dogs from the pound. (We learn all the dogs' names, but the only one that stuck in my mind was "Dumper". That fucker can sleep outside.) Next, he gives each dog a taste of his magic bone (I swear to fucking God I'm not making this up) and suddenly they can fly! And... that's pretty much it. The dogs can fly, so Santa harnesses them up and Christmas (Day) is saved. The whole thing clocks in at like ten minutes, tops. I thought I got off easy this time, but nope- after the movie cartoon story ten minutes ends there's six music videos. About dogs. They're all awful, but at least the guy who did the music didn't half-ass it and actually wrote entire songs. Seriously, what kind of fucking Christmas special is ten minutes long? If I was the kind of dipshit who actually wanted to watch a video about dogs saving Christmas I would have been pissed. Then again, anybody who actually wants to watch a video about dogs saving Christmas probably owns that goddamned "dogs barking 'Jingle Bells'" record too, so fuck them.