This is a "Look Who's Barking" type movie starring Paris Hilton and Slater from Saved By the Bell as dogs who save Christmas. If you're still reading this, you either hate yourself or you hate me for forcing me to continue. Either way, you shouldn't be too shocked to learn that every single thing about this movie sucks jingle shit straight out of the Christmas asshole. Now, I don't expect much from Paris Hilton (except to continue being smoking hot, of course), but if this movie is any indication, Slater should have his fucking throat kicked in so no one ever has to hear him "act" again. I've seen the guest of honor at a wake give a livelier performance. Not that you can entirely blame him for not giving a shit- the whole story is stupid and lazy beyond words. I think the thing that irritated me most though was when the inevitable Creep Who Hates Dogs Because He's Allergic To Them showed up. They break out a variation of this guy in nearly every dog movie, as if it somehow makes you a complete asshole to not want to be around something you're violently allergic to. On behalf of allergy suffers everywhere, fuck you, makers of dog movies. Other players in this disaster include that fat, talentless fuck from King of Queens, who has no talent and is too fucking fat; the Lois & Clark Superman, officially hitting his own bottom of the barrel (one hopes); and Amber from Clueless. As for the "plot", it consists of exactly three things:

1. Dogs saying shit that isn't remotely funny

2. Slapstick antics done so poorly that they don't even make any sense (Example: The King of Queens starts to chop down a tree with an axe, but then he inexplicably throws the axe straight up into the air and falls on his fat ass. I watched this part three times and I still have no idea what's supposed to be happening here.)

3. Farting

I can't emphasize that last one enough. I swear, I think the people who write Hollywood comedies would jerk off to pictures of farts, if they could.