This starts out with some little kids talking about the horrific alien invasion that we didn't even get to see, while we look at crayon drawings of cities burning and their parents getting whacked and whatnot. There's a word for this... let's see... "poignant"? No that's not it. Wait, "hackneyed", that's exactly the one I was looking for. Unless "trite-tacular" is a word. And that's just the beginning of the corny crap this show trots out:

• "Maybe you could ease up on the history lessons?" says the history professor's son. See, the guy won't stop talking about history. Because he's a history professor. And it bugs his son, because, you know, the generation gap or something.

• A little kid makes a birthday wish that everything was "back the way it was". This part was so heart-rending that I laughed so hard I puked. And then I just puked.

• "What was it, seven, eight months ago you wouldn't let me ride my bike over to Julian's at night because I didn't have a bike light? Now you're offering me extra ammo," points out another kid. Wow! By which I mean, give me a fucking break. Seriously, that sounds like a Father's Day card niche-marketed to the families of military dads.

Things do pick up a bit when the main guy and his party get taken hostage by this whacked-out dude with long hair though. This crazy bastard was actually pretty entertaining and it was a smart move not to kill him off, although it looks like they're just gonna turn him into their Baltar, which is almost as dumb. (If you can't quite follow that, I'm referring to the Baltar from the original Battlestar Galactica, not the one from The Next Generation.) Crazy dude's antics notwithstanding, sitting through this was a complete waste of time, but the worst thing about the experience was that my DVR was full of Lifetime movies so I had to watch it live. Not being able to skip the commercials was bad enough (now I know how poor people feel), but what really grated my cheese was how TNT kept tooting its own dick and acting like I was privy to this huge event or something. Yeah, sure, like the Taco Bell-infused shit I took yesterday was an "event". If you really want me to be impressed, makers of Falling Skies, here's my advice: more crazy long-haired dude, less self-congratulatory pole-smoking. Oh, and some tits wouldn't hurt either. Heed Mr. Satanism, and maybe you won't have to change the name of your show to "Falling Ratings".